Gargantuan

How the hell did I survive?

I'm 34 years old. How did I not die yet? I have all the risk
factors, in spades. I don't know anyone beyond a passing hello in the
hallway. My apartment is dirty. God only knows what devastating
bacteria are growing in the kitchen sink, waiting to pounce on my
struggling immune system. Suicidal ideation has been a companion many
times in my life. But for some reason, I'm not dead yet.

You ever get the feeling something is keeping you alive, that you're
not done with whatever it is you're supposed to do with your time
here?

I get that feeling, but then you have to worry... what happens if I
finally figure it out, get it done, and then like the car at the end
of the Blues Brothers movie, I disintegrate from accumulated damage?

I think the idea is to make sure you're 90 years old before that
happens. Not sure I've got that long. Still, the sun came up today.